How This Personality Test Helps Couples Celebrate Their Differences (Behavioral & Trait)
The Authentic Behavior Contrast helps couples create talking points that build understanding and celebrate the unique strengths each partner brings. When we stop talking, the relationship really suffers – having productive talking points is a big step in the right direction!
Opposites Attract, But Communication Can Be Tricky
When we hear the phrase “opposites attract,” it’s usually followed by images of a practical, no-nonsense individual paired with someone spontaneous and fun-loving. While the idea that opposites attract might make for a good love story, it often comes with a communication challenge. Couples or close connections might find themselves speaking completely different “languages,” not because they don’t care about each other, but because their authentic behavioral tendencies are worlds apart. This can make simple conversations feel like frustrating hurdles, especially when their emotions and approaches to day-to-day obstacles differ dramatically.
The ABContrast model offers a unique way to bridge this gap by creating talking points that don’t just focus on communication & influence, but on celebrating differences as strengths. Let’s dive into how this approach works in real-life examples and how it helps partners not just understand each other, but actively “have each other’s backs.”
The Challenge of Connecting: A Real-Life Example (Jessica & Mike)
Let’s take Jessica and Mike. Jessica is very practical and reserved (Static type). She’s methodical in planning their family’s future, making sure the bills are paid, and ensuring there’s enough money saved for emergencies. Mike, on the other hand, is forward-thinking and highly interpersonal (Dynamic type). He’s focused on togetherness, experiences and living in the moment, valuing the time spent together and often initiating social events with friends and family.
When they sit down to talk about their short or long-term goals, they end up arguing. Jessica feels Mike isn’t serious enough about saving, while Mike feels Jessica is so focused on “the plan” that she forgets to enjoy life. Their frustration builds not because they don’t love each other, but because they approach life from completely different angles. Without a structure for understanding these differences, their conversations hit roadblocks, leaving them both feeling misunderstood. While they’ve both put big efforts into “improvements” for the relationship, the other side doesn’t initially recognize the gestures and actions as beneficial. The Authentic Behavior Contrast can help – click here -.
Creating Talking Points Through Authentic Contrast
The beauty of the Authentic Behavior Contrast (ABContrast) is that it doesn’t try to make people change who they are. Instead, it encourages natural behaviors and it provides a framework for creating talking points that honor each person’s unique approach. For Jessica and Mike, the ABContrast model can pinpoint how their different approaches are actually complementary.
With a 50-page ABSOLUTE plan ABContrast, Jessica’s Static tendencies are highlighted as crucial for long-term stability. Mike’s report indicates a Dynamic nature that’s essential for social connection and keeping relationships fresh. Instead of viewing each other as obstacles, they can start seeing their roles as part of a balanced system where both are necessary for a thriving life. This gives them language to discuss how they approach things and opens up ways to celebrate the strengths they bring to the table.
They might even create a routine where Jessica handles long-term planning while Mike ensures they maintain active social lives and make memories. By using ABContrast, they can support each other in their strengths, making space for both approaches instead of fighting over who’s “right”.
Another Example: The Empathic Partner and the Autocratic Partner (Chris & Rachel)
Consider Rachel and Chris. Rachel leans heavily toward the Empathic type (reserved and interpersonal), while Chris is almost entirely Autocratic (forward and practical). Rachel is sensitive, attuned to the emotional climate of their relationship, always checking in on how Chris feels. But Chris is decisive, preferring to make quick, clear decisions without too much emotional reflection. They often find themselves at odds when making big life decisions. Rachel feels overlooked when Chris barrels through decisions without discussing the emotional impact, and Chris feels bogged down by Rachel’s need to “talk everything through.”
Here’s where ABContrast comes in. Rachel and Chris can use the model to create specific talking points around decision-making. Rachel’s abilities in sensing the emotional needs of their relationship could complement Chris’s drive to make swift, efficient choices. With clear talking points, they could agree that before any major decision is finalized, they take a moment to consider how the decision will emotionally affect both of them. Chris, in turn, could rely on Rachel to help them both feel good about the decisions, while Rachel can trust Chris to take charge in getting things done quickly. They can both be more proactive in acknowledging each other along the way.
Realizing the Benefits of Having Each Other’s Backs
Ultimately, couples like Jessica and Mike, or Rachel and Chris, learn that their differences don’t have to be a hard line on the ground. Through the Authentic Behavior Contrast’s framework of 4 (directions), 5 (main types), and 6 (areas), they realize that they are stronger together when they celebrate what makes them different. Jessica’s practicality keeps them grounded, and Mike’s spontaneity keeps their relationship vibrant. Rachel’s empathy strengthens their bond, while Chris’s decisiveness moves their life forward.
With this approach, couples can see the benefit of covering each other’s blind spots and leaning into each other’s strengths. By focusing on complementing instead of competing, partners can truly have each other’s backs in a way that builds long-term connection, trust, and love.
Where to go from here (how to grow as a couple):
The ABContrast model isn’t just about understanding yourself; it’s about using that understanding to strengthen relationships by creating open, meaningful conversations. By focusing on celebrating differences and building a system where both partners’ strengths are embraced, couples can overcome the communication barriers that so often make “opposites attract” feel more like a challenge than a blessing.
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