Relationships: The “Easy” Path Isn’t Intentional—Yet Intention Can Create Ease
Most of us crave simplicity in our relationships, especially when life’s demands pile up.
But as the saying goes, “Easy isn’t intentional… intention can create ease though… life isn’t supposed to be easy and real relationship is always intentional.” (*or maybe that’s not really a saying and I just made it up*)
At first glance, these words might sound contradictory, but they hold a powerful truth: genuine growth and connection require mindful effort. When we act with intention, we often find a sense of ease that shallow “quick fixes” can’t provide.
Why “Easy” Isn’t the Goal
As tempting as it is to look for shortcuts or guarantees in our approach to appease relational tensions, there is no permanent state of “no stress” in life or in relationships. Such a state would likely stifle growth and dull our sense of purpose. Easy routes often sidestep deeper questions—like whether our choices honor our values or reflect who we truly are. Ultimately, doing what’s easy can leave us feeling more strained when it clashes with what’s best for us “long-term”. High achieving people are known to lean into uncomfortability… think about that… but why?
How Intention Creates Ease
Imagine if you listened to others, intentionally, to improve your relationship with them. Imagine intentionality in your relationship with your finances – telling yourself (and the marketing wizards) “NO” and having a lot more left over than previously. Imagine the way your body and joints could feel if you were relational with a basic exercise routine that’s so commonly excluded from our routines. Being intentional doesn’t mean making everything unnecessarily complicated or strenuous. In fact, when our actions stem from proactive intentionality, a natural calm can settle in, even in demanding situations. The energy once burned on reactively forcing ourselves into roles we dislike is freed up for genuine self-expression, and relational advancement. This is where intention aligns us to satisfaction, contentment and lasting success – APPROACH GOALS!
The Power of Intentional Relationships
All meaningful relationships—with yourself, professional, romantic or platonic—thrive on consistency and deliberate effort. Our decision to listen actively, share thoughts openly, or offer support is rarely “easy.” It requires focus and emotional energy. Yet, when our choices arise from who we authentically are, the friction lessens, and trust grows more naturally. If you don’t first have a great relationship with yourself, and the biggest part of relationship IS intentionality, how can you expect to have the capacity to have healthy relationships with others? By others, I mean others…. but also your career… and your finances… and your hobbies… and your……………. THINK ABOUT IT!
Finding Your Authentic Blueprint
Living in relational intentionality starts with self-awareness. One way to develop this awareness is by exploring your unique behavioral patterns: what energizes you, what drains you, and how you interact with others. Once you gain this understanding about YOU, you’ll have an increasing capacity to seek this understanding of others (the beginning of a healthy relationship!). Enter stage left: the Authentic Behavior Contrast – an online tool to explore your wiring from the comfort or convenience of wherever and ehenever! The ABContrast™ framework provides one such map, focusing on four foundational directions (Forward, Reserved, Practical, Interpersonal) and five main “H.E.A.D.S.” types (Harmonic, Empathic, Autocratic, Dynamic, Static). It’s not about labeling yourself as “better” or “worse,” but about recognizing:
- Core Drivers of Preference & Aversion
Which Direction (Forward, Reserved, Practical, or Interpersonal) do you naturally lean in daily life or relationships? *for most, it varies area by area – and there are 6 areas in the Authentic Behavior Contrast* - Your Unique Authentic Strengths and Challenges
Do you excel at swift decision-making but struggle with reflection, or perhaps you’re great at empathizing with a fear of conflict? - Balancing Boundaries vs. Obligations & Intentionality
Which situations require you to step outside your typical style, and how can you pace yourself so you don’t burn out?
By identifying these patterns, you’ll gain insight into how to apply intention in your life and relationships without losing your sense of ease.
Moving Forward with Intention
- Reflect: Take a moment each day to ask yourself if your actions and choices are aligned with your core preferences and values.
- Communicate: Be clear with loved ones and colleagues about what you need and why it matters to you.
- Adjust: When you notice you’re straying from your authentic path, gently course-correct instead of waiting for burnout.
Remember, life isn’t supposed to be “easy,” but it can feel less forced when we align with our true selves. If you’d like to explore your unique blend of motivations, strengths, and growth points, consider taking the ABContrast™ personality assessment. It’s a practical step toward understanding where you stand—and how you can intentionally build an authentic, relational life.
Ready to start reflecting and growing? The Authentic Behavior Contrast (ABContrast) can help you better understand your patterns and tendencies, giving you tools to strengthen every interaction—before, during, and after they happen.
At Authentic Behavior Contrast, we help individuals and teams bridge these gaps by exploring the nuances of personality and behavior. In fact, these nuances are evident in the 6 ABContrast areas: thinking, socialization, leading, following, relationships, and teamwork. Want to learn more about how the H.E.A.D.S. types can work together effectively? Let’s start the conversation today.
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